14 | The Blue Knight vs. The Red Knight

April 11, 2008
Friday, 6:00 p.m.
Letter #14: The Blue Knight vs. The Red Knight


Dear Family,

Hey! I’m having an absolute blast here! I just finished reading FOUR letters from my awesome family! Sent on the 31st of March and the 1st of April, the mail system here makes the Pony Express seem like email, but I really don’t complain in my heart. God is so gracious and kind to bless me with a loving family, and you guys are incredibly sweet to keep me in the know, in prayer, and in your hearts. Thank you!

Last night’s dinner of fish patties (usually served on Fridays, though), salad, broccoli, macaroni, two slices of bread, and a cup of strawberry sherbet was typical prison fare for a number of reasons. Remember eating those Sunday lunches at the Mexican place on Steven’s Creek? Well, this is similar to that. We had our share of people walking in and out, we had someone wearing makeup and pigtails, and the service is lousy. Besides that, it’s not similar. It is far more like eating at The Arabian Nights Dinner Show or The Medieval Times Dinner Show.

You remember how you have a dinner where everyone eats with their hands, everyone in the audience is rooting for either the Blue Knight or the Red Knight, and there is a live hand-to-hand duel that takes place? It’s like that, except the audience gets to WEAR costumes that match the performers, and the performers are chosen at random from the audience! You eat quickly, packing as much as you can into your cup to carry back home, just in case the action comes to your table.

Last night, one of the main performers (the Blue Team) came to my table! He said something to the guy across from me, and then he quickly picked a guy seated at the table next to me to be his opponent, signifying so by touching his state-issued chalice to the lips of his opponent. Hard. The Blue Knight, who is of Spanish descent, quickly had the upper hand over the Red Knight, who is of African descent, since the Red Knight toppled off his stainless steel steed (well, his seat) and fell to the auditorium floor, as the Blue Knight made it look like he was punching him.

Before anyone could cheer for either warrior, however, the Dark Green Knight and his band of not-so-merry men came running in with far superior weaponry and we were instantly made their loyal subjects, prostrating ourselves before them. One fellow Red Knight did not wish to prostrate himself before the Dark Green Night, so a Dark Green Helper shot a Weapon of Encouragement from a far tower, narrowly missing the unyielding one, who changed his loyalty at once.

Prisoners were taken, and just that quickly, the show was over and I returned home with my cup full of noodles and my strawberry sherbet in my hand. Just as much excitement with considerably less cost than those fancy dinner shows.

Today, during my first opportunity to be at yard in 11 days (and that last time was shut down after 10 minutes), this guy in the cell to my left, who arrived three days ago, punched a guy from the cell to my right, who has been here since before I arrived, splitting his eyebrow open and immediately shutting down the basketball game I was in the middle of. The reason? He felt he needed to bring attention to the fact he hadn’t received his medication yet, since moving. He gets 90 days where he’ll get his medicine and food delivered to him directly. Jody, my neighbor to the right, is due to receive stitches tomorrow, and his release date is soon, so he wasn’t too upset by it. I’m calling him Scarface. Meanwhile, I’m considering circulating a petition asking my fellow inmates to kindly keep the Dinner Show antics to mealtimes, so as not to interrupt my yard time.

I misplaced a sock recently. Does the Sock Black Hole really exist? I wondered. Gypsy threw away the loner sock before I could explain to him the complete LACK OF LOGIC THAT IS, SINCE THE SOCK COULDN’T HAVE GONE FAR IN OUR 6′ X 12′ ENCLOSED SPACE! I found the sock the next day. Thanks, Gypsy.

I love you all!